The Love our animals give us…

It’s wonderful how our pets can make us feel, how we can suddenly smile and be happy when we’re around our furbabies.  It’s been proven that they relieve stress, and that your blood pressure can drop just by touching them.  This old girl pictured is my Zoe.  She’s the matriarch of the three dogs I have.  She’s been in our lives for almost 17 years.

Zoe has always been an “old soul.”  She makes me laugh with her snorting and funny noises she always makes when walking.  She snores louder than a human and sometimes it can be felt through the floor.

I know that she is coming to the end of her journey in life.  She sleeps more and lately has been getting confused with daily life.  She’s mostly blind and deaf now-but still keeps “kicking.”  She’s been through surgery to remove cancer and still keeps putting up the good fight.  Zoe has truly been a blessing in our family’s  lives and I cherish every moment with her.  She’s a stubborn “old bat” who refuses to give up on life.

We should all learn lessons from our beloved furbabies.  They just want to be loved and have so much to give to us-especially in this crazy world we live in.  Zoe is the laid back soul that I have needed in my life.

All I can say is keep on fighting Zoe-you have lots more in you I know it!

As always: keep smiling! 🙂

 

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A “what if” moment (creepy)

In light of the sexual harassment issue that has unfolded I just want to share a story of what happened to me recently.  Now I’m not sure what anyone would label it -but I”ll call it “Creepy guy violating my space and peace.  

Last week I was on my usual walk at the trail I always go to -which almost always has children and mothers playing at the park and walking on it too.  Well, this was a rainy day-so no children playing and very few walkers, runners and bicyclists.  While walking I felt a sense of uneasiness, couldn’t put my finger on it at this time-but decided to shorten my walk and head back to the park area.  As I got back I went under a gazebo to keep dry and just breathe for a few.  During this time a woman walked by with her dog and from afar I could see this very tall man just looking over at me.  I didn’t think anything of it at the time, so I stayed under the gazebo and relaxed a little more.  He proceeded to walk over and sit down at a bench next to the gazebo.  I looked over and he was staring at me.  An uneasy feeling overtook me so I began to walk again.  As I passed him he looked at me and said “hi”, I said “hi” back because I didn’t want to come off as rude.

Well as I was walking toward the playground area to another part of the trail- I got a weird feeling that I was being watched.  And sure as shit-this man who was about 100 yards away was standing up from the bench and looking right at me.  So, at this time I knew something wasn’t right.  He was really creeping me out.  I calmly walked around a different way and went to my car.  I removed my purse from the trunk and changed my shoes.  What I saw at that time was a black car with very dark tinted windows and the engine running.  So, I threw my purse and phone into the front seat and headed to the bathroom-but went a round about way.  As I was in there I realized I didn’t have my phone-I always carry my phone.  Luckily there was someone else in the bathroom-but part of me was thinking – what if it’s him.  And then I was thinking maybe it’s the other woman’s car that was running while she was in the bathroom.  I remained calm and did my thing… Then I left the bathroom another way as not to be spotted.  Well, I saw this car still sitting outside the bathroom area and in my head I’m screaming “oh shit!”   What if this creep grabs me and I have no phone on me and no one else is around to see me.  Well, he started to drive away when I approached my car.  And I thought “phew” I escaped a bad situation.   I proceeded to get into my car and got myself together and left.  Well, as I was leaving the parking lot -there he was sitting on the road as I pulled out.  He rolled his window down and looked right at  me and then pulled away.  I couldn’t get to him fast enough to get his Plate number on his car.  At this time I became very aware of my surroundings and then proceeded to go to the coffee shop to relax and write.

During this time at the coffee shop, I shared my experience with my mom on the phone, I wasn’t shaken up at the time-just “weirded out.”  But as I shared my story with a few other friends the next day I started to realize that this was more serious than I had lead myself to believe.  A close friend of mine was thinking maybe he was filming you from the car -taking pictures, who knows, maybe he was  a “sex trafficker.”  These were her insights from what I had told her.

Anyway, it’s been a weird experience and it didn’t hit me until a few days ago that this could’ve been a bad situation.  This is explaining my two nightmares I had in one night, along with panic attacks that followed.  I have since gone back to the park and walked-I will not let this situation dictate my life.  I’m just way more aware of my surroundings, and letting people who are close to me know where I’m at.  A part of me is still uneasy-but I know that I’m ok, even though he knows my car and what I look like -I’m trying to be strong and not let him get into my head.

As always: Keep smiling!!!  (:

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Feeling lost…

Lately I’ve been feeling so lost-my trust in people is low, my emotions are all over the place, and at times just want to pick up and do an “eat, pray, love” thing.  There are days when I walk around teary eyed all day.  Now I know I’m not crazy-but the feeling of being lost is sometimes unsettling.  I really want to take time to reflect and find my true smile again…  I find walking and photographing does help a little.  It clears my head… But not always the answer.  “Eat, Pray, Love” is sounding better every day.  For me it would be sitting somewhere in Paris or Italy and just writing, drawing, photographing and people watching…  It’s a goal I want to make happen soon.  Getting myself out of the partial hole I’m in and not getting in deeper.

As always: Keep smiling (:    (I’m trying)

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Dealing with a loved one’s illness…

About 8 years ago my Aunt had a stroke-now she’s still able to talk and her mind is great.  She does have disabilities with her hands and legs-but can get around with a walker.  She’s now living in a long term facility because she was recently diagnosed with terminal breast cancer and unfortunately it has spread into her bones.

I was fortunate enough to be able to visit with her with my mom ( this is my mom’s sister).  We went in June and just last week.

Now this whole experience has brought back so many childhood memories.  My cousin (her daughter) we are the same age.  She has been a godsend  to her mother.  She’s constantly keeping up to date with whats going on with her-Her medications, treatment, how she eats, etc…  She is there everyday visiting her and taking care of small needs and encouraging my aunt to stay positive.  And that is not an easy task.  I would do the same for my mom.  We were all so close growing up, my cousins and my siblings and I.

It’s hard to see a loved one in so much pain-My aunt was this beautiful, vivacious women,  She’s still beautiful, her soul is so kind and giving.  I must say that it was a great visit with her and my cousin- It is something I will not forget.  We must remember to keep the good memories and moments with us always.

 

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When to let go?…

The quote “If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be… I can’t remember the rest, but how do we truly let go if they come and go several times? This is has been my question about a friend of mine and why they choose to be this way.  The disappearing act, the manic behavior.  I guess wearing my heart on my sleeve can be my downfall in this situation.  Life is funny and hands us certain situations and just keeps on testing us everyday.

As always: Keep smiling 🙂

 

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Reflecting on What’s next…

So many changes happening in my life.  It’s a bit overwhelming and a little exciting.   My kids are young adults -18 and 21 and it’s strange how they go from needing you all the time -to not.   It’s like a brick just hits you in the face and bammmmmm!!!! you’re supposed to figure out a new way of life.  Now when they were little things were so busy and it was on my mind a lot to look forward to when they became young adults and fend for themselves.  But… be careful what you wish for -because it all happens so fast.

The stage I’m in now is full of confusion and uncertainty.  I know now I have more time to do what I want, like writing and some art work, but… I’m having a hard time organizing my time.  When the kids were younger it was always a get up and hurry all day long.  It’s like my mind and body are happy to have some freedom-but it really doesn’t know how to handle the less chaotic way of life.  It’s a big adjustment.  One that takes time-but… I don’t want to sit and ponder and do nothing, so now I must embark on my next journey of life and do for me.

As always: keep smiling!!!  🙂DSCN0503

Letting go…

Today I dropped my youngest (she’s 18) off at the airport.  She’s on her way to Japan for 2 weeks with a friend.  All I could see was a little girl pulling her suitcases behind her heading off on her big adventure… It’s scary as a parent to let them go off on their own for the first time, especially 1000’s of miles away.

I know this holds true for other types of relationships too.  It’s always so hard to let things go.  Whether it’s mutual or one sided -this has always been a hard one for me.  As a few of my friends say… Time heals, yes, time can heal, but… some things will never disappear from my mind.  And, some things will never make sense.  So, with recent events in my life that have happened, I’m trying so hard to take one hour at a time and know that people move on, our children grow up and out, and some come in and out of our lives many times.

Letting go…. It’s not easy…

 

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Blindsided…

Recent events have left me with a gaping hole in my heart and my trust very low.

Being blindsided with something really is hard for me to handle.

It’s really hard when you think you know someone and they really aren’t the person you thought they were or are.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and give people the benefit of the doubt and 2nd, 3rd, and 4th…. chances more than I probably should.

I wish I had thicker skin, but… it’s just not in me… the power of positivity helps me… I try to put it out into the universe and hope that it will come back to me.

As always, Keep smiling!!! (:IMG_4839

 

 

Fool me once…

The old saying “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me… Well, I should learn to live by this saying.  But… it’s hard when you’re someone who wears their heart on their sleeve.   I recently let this happen.  Then I start to think, maybe I’m a bad person and this is what I deserve.  But… then I think “no!”  I wouldn’t wish anything bad on anyone, not even my worst enemy.  This puts my current state of mind into “what the fuck is wrong with people lately?”

Yes, most of us hate confrontation, but I think we need to put on our “big girl and boy panties” and just start being truthful.  Me included.  Life’s too short.  We need to all just breathe, reboot and try, try, try to be honest, not run away from what’s bothering us or the real problem at hand.

 

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