Feeling lost…

Lately I’ve been feeling so lost-my trust in people is low, my emotions are all over the place, and at times just want to pick up and do an “eat, pray, love” thing.  There are days when I walk around teary eyed all day.  Now I know I’m not crazy-but the feeling of being lost is sometimes unsettling.  I really want to take time to reflect and find my true smile again…  I find walking and photographing does help a little.  It clears my head… But not always the answer.  “Eat, Pray, Love” is sounding better every day.  For me it would be sitting somewhere in Paris or Italy and just writing, drawing, photographing and people watching…  It’s a goal I want to make happen soon.  Getting myself out of the partial hole I’m in and not getting in deeper.

As always: Keep smiling (:    (I’m trying)

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Dealing with a loved one’s illness…

About 8 years ago my Aunt had a stroke-now she’s still able to talk and her mind is great.  She does have disabilities with her hands and legs-but can get around with a walker.  She’s now living in a long term facility because she was recently diagnosed with terminal breast cancer and unfortunately it has spread into her bones.

I was fortunate enough to be able to visit with her with my mom ( this is my mom’s sister).  We went in June and just last week.

Now this whole experience has brought back so many childhood memories.  My cousin (her daughter) we are the same age.  She has been a godsend  to her mother.  She’s constantly keeping up to date with whats going on with her-Her medications, treatment, how she eats, etc…  She is there everyday visiting her and taking care of small needs and encouraging my aunt to stay positive.  And that is not an easy task.  I would do the same for my mom.  We were all so close growing up, my cousins and my siblings and I.

It’s hard to see a loved one in so much pain-My aunt was this beautiful, vivacious women,  She’s still beautiful, her soul is so kind and giving.  I must say that it was a great visit with her and my cousin- It is something I will not forget.  We must remember to keep the good memories and moments with us always.

 

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When to let go?…

The quote “If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you it was meant to be… I can’t remember the rest, but how do we truly let go if they come and go several times? This is has been my question about a friend of mine and why they choose to be this way.  The disappearing act, the manic behavior.  I guess wearing my heart on my sleeve can be my downfall in this situation.  Life is funny and hands us certain situations and just keeps on testing us everyday.

As always: Keep smiling 🙂

 

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Reflecting on What’s next…

So many changes happening in my life.  It’s a bit overwhelming and a little exciting.   My kids are young adults -18 and 21 and it’s strange how they go from needing you all the time -to not.   It’s like a brick just hits you in the face and bammmmmm!!!! you’re supposed to figure out a new way of life.  Now when they were little things were so busy and it was on my mind a lot to look forward to when they became young adults and fend for themselves.  But… be careful what you wish for -because it all happens so fast.

The stage I’m in now is full of confusion and uncertainty.  I know now I have more time to do what I want, like writing and some art work, but… I’m having a hard time organizing my time.  When the kids were younger it was always a get up and hurry all day long.  It’s like my mind and body are happy to have some freedom-but it really doesn’t know how to handle the less chaotic way of life.  It’s a big adjustment.  One that takes time-but… I don’t want to sit and ponder and do nothing, so now I must embark on my next journey of life and do for me.

As always: keep smiling!!!  🙂DSCN0503

Letting go…

Today I dropped my youngest (she’s 18) off at the airport.  She’s on her way to Japan for 2 weeks with a friend.  All I could see was a little girl pulling her suitcases behind her heading off on her big adventure… It’s scary as a parent to let them go off on their own for the first time, especially 1000’s of miles away.

I know this holds true for other types of relationships too.  It’s always so hard to let things go.  Whether it’s mutual or one sided -this has always been a hard one for me.  As a few of my friends say… Time heals, yes, time can heal, but… some things will never disappear from my mind.  And, some things will never make sense.  So, with recent events in my life that have happened, I’m trying so hard to take one hour at a time and know that people move on, our children grow up and out, and some come in and out of our lives many times.

Letting go…. It’s not easy…

 

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Blindsided…

Recent events have left me with a gaping hole in my heart and my trust very low.

Being blindsided with something really is hard for me to handle.

It’s really hard when you think you know someone and they really aren’t the person you thought they were or are.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and give people the benefit of the doubt and 2nd, 3rd, and 4th…. chances more than I probably should.

I wish I had thicker skin, but… it’s just not in me… the power of positivity helps me… I try to put it out into the universe and hope that it will come back to me.

As always, Keep smiling!!! (:IMG_4839