Tis the Season…

Thanksgiving is upon us this week.  This year will be a bit different.  I am now a vegetarian -so no Turkey for me and my mom has decided not to cook, so we will go to a restaurant instead.  I’m not to worried about not having meat.  I can fill up plenty with veggies and potatoes, pies, etc…  The one thing missing will be leftovers and my mom’s tasty stuffing.  I only hope that it will be a satisfying alternate for her yummy Thanksgiving dinner we are spoiled to have each year. And, remembering what we are all thankful for in our lives, our sometimes crazy and busy lives.  Happy Thanksgiving week to all my American followers.

As always: Keep Smiling 🙂

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Strength… how do we find it in hard times?

Life is good right?  I’m happy everyday-maybe not all day-but generally a happy and positive person.  Unfortunately these past few months have been hard and finding that strength inside is very hard.  Two special people in my life have been diagnosed with terminal cancer.  One of them is my aunt-it’s so hard to see this beautiful soul suffer in pain.  74 years old is not old by todays standards and she doesn’t deserve this dreadful disease on top of all of the hardships she has come across in her lifetime.  The other, is a friend I made about 2 years ago.  She had brain cancer and overcame it-then… the unthinkable happened and she was diagnosed again with another form of brain cancer that is inoperable and the chemo is not working.  This beautiful soul is only 28 years old. So much life should be ahead of her and it’s being taken away to early.

My mom and I recently saw my aunt-we traveled 2500 miles to see her and my cousin.  My cousin is the “saving grace” in her life.  She visits her every weekend and as much as she can during the week.  It’s so surreal to see a role reversal in this situation.  A mother who once cared for her children, raised them and and is now being taken care of by her daughter.   It was so hard also to see my mom looking at her little sister this way.  Both of us just trying to give all of our strength to her.

She is now in hospice and it is a long drawn out disease. I hate the fact that it’s a waiting game and all of the pain she’s enduring.  All of the shoulda, woulda, coulda’s that must be going through her mind.  As hard as it is losing someone we love, I know that she will be much better off when she’s at peace.

My friend who is also in hospice has asked to just not to answer questions and just be at peace with her family during this hard time.  I remember just last January taking her engagement pictures.  She was a beautiful bride who was just married in August.

I just wonder why all of this has to happen, why are people we love taken away from us so early, how do we find the inner strength to move forward when they are no longer with us.  I’ve had people tell me “this is life.”  To be honest… I hate being told that-it’s really no comfort to me.

Life is a crapshoot and also short.  We need to live life to the fullest.  I’m trying so hard to not “sweat the small stuff.”  It’s not easy.  Tears flow from me everyday.  We all have a different way of coping.  Mine has been through tears, talking and writing.

As always: Keep smiling!!! (: 

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The Smell of Fall air…

I don’t know about you, but the smell of Fall air is so refreshing.  Even though it’s an ending to a season and my love for Summer, it also has a renewal feel to it.  This Fall the colors have been especially vibrant and the leaves falling from the trees look like they’re dancing in the air and having so much fun.  With all the sadness and craziness going on in the world today-it’s so nice to find happiness and joy in watching the colors change and the leaves floating about.   So get out there and kick up the leaves, run through a pile of them and enjoy!!!

As always: Keep Smiling!!!  (:

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Cooking memories…

Cooking has always been a therapeutic thing for me.  One of my fondest memories of cooking was when my kids were younger and my neighbor and I would get on the phone and talk while we were making our family’s  dinner.  Being a stay at home mom at that time of my children’s lives was a wonderful opportunity, but can also be isolating and very challenging to say the least.   But this time of day was a time I looked forward to.  We would get on the phone, and chop, stir , measure, talk, -put a little bit of this and that in our food and offer advice or suggestions.  It was also a good time to catch up and just vent if we needed too.  Gone are the days of talking and cooking with my friend.  Our kids are grown and in college and we’ve since moved to the Pacific Northwest.  But, this is something I’ll always cherish and always think of her while I’m making my dinners to this day.

Bon appetit everyone!!! and as always: Keep Smiling!!! (:

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Disappearing Act…

When someone important in your life disappears with out explanation… How are we as the person being let behind supposed to handle this?  It’s almost as bad or even worse than if that said person has died. You’re left with no explanation and are expected by the other person to just “deal with it.”  I’m telling you in my experience, it’s worse than if that person died. You know they’re still out there-yet they choose to “poof” away. Not caring how it’s affecting the person left behind. I seem to be going through some “stages” of grieving… but… I’m stuck in the anger/denial/bargaining stages.  I don’t think I’ll ever get through the acceptance part. This friend of mine in my eyes is such a coward and won’t even own up to giving a reason for this disappearing act.  But me, I always forgive. What type of person am I for this?  Some may think I’m crazy, others who really know me-know that I wear my heart on my sleeve- and this is me. 

As always: Keep Smiling!!! 🙂

Strange energy in the air…

I don’t know if its the full moon coming upon us or just weirdness all around.  Today I feel a bit “off”.   Last night I got hardly any sleep.  I was awoken by the restlessness of my dog and a weird feeling in the air.  She jumped off the bed and went downstairs.  Now normally she would bark so loud at whatever it is she hears.  This time was very eery.  She went down and just growled a very low growl.  Something she never does.  I  felt so unsettled the rest of the night and am very off today.  The spirit world doesn’t scare me- but makes me wonder what is going on and why the weird “energy” lately.  Sounds crazy I know-but I have weird senses and feelings sometimes.  And sometimes it really scares me and takes me off guard when things  I feel happen.  I fully believe that some of us are more sensitive to things around us.  It gives me a sense of excitement and sometimes an uneasy feeling.  I wish I could explain better-but my sixth sense is feeling strong lately.  Anyone else get like this.  I have so many more stories to talk about on this subject…

As always: Keep smiling!!!  (:

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Body image…

I saw a beautiful picture of Marilyn Monroe the other day on Instagram.  She was such a beautiful woman.  I love how her stomach wasn’t perfectly flat.  Now this is one part of my body I don’t like.  But when I look at her in this picture I say to myself “What is wrong with me?”  and it’s nothing.  Body image and how we view ourselves in todays society is so different than it was many years ago.  So much pressure is put on women and even men to look perfect and to  have that perfect body.  It’s hard but we should be proud of who we are and ourselves.  I blame the media and some reality shows for a lot of this.

Now I myself have to work more on loving me for me and not worry so much about the silly things that I don’t like about myself.

As always: Keep smiling!!!  (:

 

 

Moving forward…

How is it that it’s easier for some to move forward than it is for others?  Some people have thicker skin than others.  I wish my skin was thicker and I could move forward faster.  Sometimes a certain situation can resinate with me for a long time.  Some people or things I just can’t let go of.  I see them for who they are and hope that when that “butterfly” leaves that it will find its way back.  I don’t know how some people do it – the “drop and plop.”   For me it’s hard-I’m trying hard to build that shell, but, this is who I am and I have to accept the fact that I’m an overly sensitive, caring soul who simply is who she is and probably will always be this way.

As always: Keep smiling!!! (:

 

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The Love our animals give us…

It’s wonderful how our pets can make us feel, how we can suddenly smile and be happy when we’re around our furbabies.  It’s been proven that they relieve stress, and that your blood pressure can drop just by touching them.  This old girl pictured is my Zoe.  She’s the matriarch of the three dogs I have.  She’s been in our lives for almost 17 years.

Zoe has always been an “old soul.”  She makes me laugh with her snorting and funny noises she always makes when walking.  She snores louder than a human and sometimes it can be felt through the floor.

I know that she is coming to the end of her journey in life.  She sleeps more and lately has been getting confused with daily life.  She’s mostly blind and deaf now-but still keeps “kicking.”  She’s been through surgery to remove cancer and still keeps putting up the good fight.  Zoe has truly been a blessing in our family’s  lives and I cherish every moment with her.  She’s a stubborn “old bat” who refuses to give up on life.

We should all learn lessons from our beloved furbabies.  They just want to be loved and have so much to give to us-especially in this crazy world we live in.  Zoe is the laid back soul that I have needed in my life.

All I can say is keep on fighting Zoe-you have lots more in you I know it!

As always: keep smiling! 🙂

 

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A “what if” moment (creepy)

In light of the sexual harassment issue that has unfolded I just want to share a story of what happened to me recently.  Now I’m not sure what anyone would label it -but I”ll call it “Creepy guy violating my space and peace.  

Last week I was on my usual walk at the trail I always go to -which almost always has children and mothers playing at the park and walking on it too.  Well, this was a rainy day-so no children playing and very few walkers, runners and bicyclists.  While walking I felt a sense of uneasiness, couldn’t put my finger on it at this time-but decided to shorten my walk and head back to the park area.  As I got back I went under a gazebo to keep dry and just breathe for a few.  During this time a woman walked by with her dog and from afar I could see this very tall man just looking over at me.  I didn’t think anything of it at the time, so I stayed under the gazebo and relaxed a little more.  He proceeded to walk over and sit down at a bench next to the gazebo.  I looked over and he was staring at me.  An uneasy feeling overtook me so I began to walk again.  As I passed him he looked at me and said “hi”, I said “hi” back because I didn’t want to come off as rude.

Well as I was walking toward the playground area to another part of the trail- I got a weird feeling that I was being watched.  And sure as shit-this man who was about 100 yards away was standing up from the bench and looking right at me.  So, at this time I knew something wasn’t right.  He was really creeping me out.  I calmly walked around a different way and went to my car.  I removed my purse from the trunk and changed my shoes.  What I saw at that time was a black car with very dark tinted windows and the engine running.  So, I threw my purse and phone into the front seat and headed to the bathroom-but went a round about way.  As I was in there I realized I didn’t have my phone-I always carry my phone.  Luckily there was someone else in the bathroom-but part of me was thinking – what if it’s him.  And then I was thinking maybe it’s the other woman’s car that was running while she was in the bathroom.  I remained calm and did my thing… Then I left the bathroom another way as not to be spotted.  Well, I saw this car still sitting outside the bathroom area and in my head I’m screaming “oh shit!”   What if this creep grabs me and I have no phone on me and no one else is around to see me.  Well, he started to drive away when I approached my car.  And I thought “phew” I escaped a bad situation.   I proceeded to get into my car and got myself together and left.  Well, as I was leaving the parking lot -there he was sitting on the road as I pulled out.  He rolled his window down and looked right at  me and then pulled away.  I couldn’t get to him fast enough to get his Plate number on his car.  At this time I became very aware of my surroundings and then proceeded to go to the coffee shop to relax and write.

During this time at the coffee shop, I shared my experience with my mom on the phone, I wasn’t shaken up at the time-just “weirded out.”  But as I shared my story with a few other friends the next day I started to realize that this was more serious than I had lead myself to believe.  A close friend of mine was thinking maybe he was filming you from the car -taking pictures, who knows, maybe he was  a “sex trafficker.”  These were her insights from what I had told her.

Anyway, it’s been a weird experience and it didn’t hit me until a few days ago that this could’ve been a bad situation.  This is explaining my two nightmares I had in one night, along with panic attacks that followed.  I have since gone back to the park and walked-I will not let this situation dictate my life.  I’m just way more aware of my surroundings, and letting people who are close to me know where I’m at.  A part of me is still uneasy-but I know that I’m ok, even though he knows my car and what I look like -I’m trying to be strong and not let him get into my head.

As always: Keep smiling!!!  (:

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